As a Senior in college, there is an abundance of uncertainty.
Am I actually going to graduate in the 4 1/2 years I think I will? Should I study or meet up with some friends and do everything, but study? Where exactly am I going after graduation? To skip class today and sleep in or do I force myself to get up for that dreadful 8 am I regret signing up for every day?
I am asking myself all of these questions and so many more as graduation approaches in a mere 9 months. With every conversation I have had with friends and people around me about what happens after college, I am continuously being told I seem like I have it all together. Those who know me best laugh at me because I change my mind on what I want to do almost every hour the day. With no commitments holding me back in Carrollton or even Georgia, literally feeling like the world (yes in it’s entirty) is calling my name. Where will I get the opportunity to travel, work, and play? What groups of people will I be influenced by and be influencing? With excitement and joy of the future, I am learning to trust in God more and more. To press into His endless journeys of adventure. And then quickly wondering about the future, I wonder to myself about my future husband. I mean with traveling so much and wanting to do all of the things, will I ever meet anyone?
*Woah woah, Carmen, I thought this was about your future?**
Yep. It is. If I’m being a total girl and letting you in on my life, then part of that is including this question, “When will I meet my future husband?”
So here’s to a post on relationships that I have been insecure about posting due to vulnerability, lack of confidence in my words, and wondering if this is pointless to post. Yet, I found myself sitting down at the coffee shop with a 37 year old single woman, who quickly has become friend, and I found myself sharing my heart on this issue. I was encouraged to post it, and this is how I shall begin:
My ladies, I’m going to shout you out really quick, maybe some guys too. But from what I know, we are questioning when we will meet “him”. Do you already know him? What’s he like? When will you meet him? How will your journey of dating be? When will you get married? Before ever even allowing God to really reveal how precious His love is, we are waiting around for the next guy to shower us in compliments and affection. Trust me, I am plenty guilty of this thought in waiting for whoever “he” must be. Yet in love, I would like to encourage you to stop this train of thought and be the woman who God has created you to be as you, without “him”. Don’t worry, this isn’t an anti-relationship post, keep reading. How is it that we are unable to find contentment with God and us being single, and then have an expectancy for this “perfect” guy to sweep us off of our feet, swooning us into a sweet romance, and fullfill out deepest needs and desires to be known?
Yes, these man you will one day marry, is a man of God who refelcts the image of Christ to you. This man should value you and respect you, building you up in love and honor, but don’t have an expectation that he is going to make everything perfect, including your insecurities. That he will satisfy your deepest needs of feeling wanted. My brothers, I would tell you the same with your future lady you’ve been waiting for or even thinking about. She will love, respect, and vaule you as a leader, but she cannot be the only voice of affirmation and desire you hear.
If you have this expectation, your relationship will fail. In love I say that because I think a lot of time we have an expectation that whoever we are waiting for will fill the need to be deeply wanted and appreciated. I think we find our value and worth in the way a man/woman looks at or speaks to us. In all reality, these deep emotions are not driven by desire for a romantic partner, rather engraved in us to seek out satisfaction and adoration to and from the father of lights, who does not cast or change a shifting shadow (James 1:17).
Now the same can be said to my ladies who are so against relationships. Just because you have been burned by a guy and a past relationship does not mean that every relationship is like the one you were just in. If you find yourself constantly dogging relationships, maybe you too need to examine your heart on where you aren’t believing the Gospel to be enough to heal and restore your own misconceptions. I would encourage you to see that marriage is one of the most beautiful ways that Christ can be reflected. Maybe you’re reluctant of relationships due to the fact your parents, siblings, or close friends have been surrounded by incredibly broken patterns of love. It’s not bad to not desire a relationship because of your contentment with where you are, but if you are rejecting and bashing relationships as a whole due to hurt, I ask that you would take some time to ask God why you feel this way.
“Okay Carmen, so where do I find a healthy balance?” You desire a relationship and that’s all you think about or you are on the opposite end of the spectrum and you find the future with someone to be repulsive.
Honestly, as someone who was terrified of the future with someone, and still holds her doubts, taking my truest concern before the Father and spending intimate time with Him has helped me find contentment and joy with this season of expereincing His glory completely alone. Sharing my fears with God and the community I am surrounded by continuously restores my heart.
See this season where God has you as a blessing. To my friend who is 37 and reading this from the coffee shop, I believe God has you in a season of singleness still to encourage a young believer like myself to continue to pursue Christ through my worries and fears with the future. Thank you for your vulnerability and love.